getting to know – (12) continuing

So as far as the clouds and the rain will travel, as far i can go, as far my imagination can bring me – i will never realise, when not stepping back and understand the events and the emotions and feelings i carry with me. I need to investigate and continue the journey back to earth and the living beeings who as life as equalys to everything were once standing. Thus we all know, that we need to find ways to get back from our self interrested ways of living to the once realised point in life to touch, feel, care and listen to ourselfs and our brothers and sister and the living world we live in. So fore continuing the journey, writing is a must do.

Continueing where i left the „proposed“ state i was not ready for doing because of my selft interest in women. My never ending emotional addiction i thought i could „fill“ a missing part, where there is no missing part. So for „wanting“ this and „wanting“ this i realised, it can never bring me to a point to realise whats best for all.

What can bring me to a point what’s best for all is the information on desteni and the activism for bringing equalmoney or atleast the basic income. Thats far most the most important point in understanding life and one self. For briging forth the basic income one can be assured, that in the horrendous times coming, one will have a stay and one more chance to realise the points about the greedy, self interested desires and „wants“ one can come up with.

Every thought comes with responsibility

Every action and uncation comes with responsibility

In the beginning for my great idea to thing, i must do something „huge“ i was aggain falling back into my own self interrested ego. I surely wanted to do much more writing, but this was aggain a trick in my mind, that can „take“ time and come in the furture, „when i got it done“. So it was already a barrier when i wrote it out. I was learning how to play a little bit on an keyboard, but it was quite enough for me to say, okey, lets start a new level and create vocals and create more music with maybe broaded audience. But, thats not importand i realised. What’s importance is honouring and caring and continueing the journey to life.

http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/138-honor-life/

Picture from : http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/

getting to know – (11) stepping back

Dear readers and listeners,

i had always in my mind, that making changes is a hard step and so i created the barrier inside my head. I’m still on the roead of getting to know, but felt not the urge to do the daily writings. But as understood in the DIP Process, writing out is like reading a book (thought i never liked reading, because of the „i must do it for homework“ thing), it indeed creates a deep connection with the writer and with the words i read. So for writing out, it identifies the deep connection i thought i lost. Lost in the mind, is an illusion i will clarify within myself. As everything from the beginning to the ending is here (and never gone), it keeps me on track. It pushes me to change actually and definitly. I always came back to the wiritings when things went not as i was „hopeing“ for. It gets me back to the initial state, where i want change and didn’t write out what was inside my head. So for this, i realised, that its time. Time for the changes i proposed for a long time. Actually i did take breaks, because it overhelms me everytime i realised the „living“ thing, the actions/reactions i’m doing over and over, not stopping them. Feeelings and Emotions that struck me and keeps my head sinking and my eyes falling to the ground. Thinking of the „things“ i could have, when i ignore the information and realisations i made with the desteni material. It’s absurd to think, that „ignorance is bliss“ – because, realising what keeps someone one his track will never make a good ending. So, i’m continueing on my journey to life and my journey to myself, from the past memories, to the present reactions and decisions i created.

I actually found a way with singing and/or wiriting lyrics for music i actually work and think for. Cool stuff is coming down the line, presenting myself, self and the inner trouble makers inside my head.

Alot information is here at the desteni forums and Blogs, vlogs one can discover and see an mirror of the self i created my self in.

getting to know – (10) making changes

In my last post i was writing about the resistances i had when realising, what is was, that was keeping me away. So, there i have resistances to change. Its obvious for me that changes are needed to make an world wich is best for all life.

When i tell myself i want to write, i often get back to my habbits like playing games or surfing alot of on the world wide web. It chuckles me, that i can always find excuses to not write myself out.

So for the change i make, i ask myself: What to change first?

As the world i see is running to an confrontation for greed and lust for power, whole nations are tumbling down. And, when a whole nation is tumbling down, what is the consequences that will effect everyone? What is it?

The answer is quite obvious – the race of ressources, the race for domination and the race for energy is clearly getting into deep pulsations, wherein tehre will be a small time-lap where confusing will lead to some more tricky self destruction. Sabotaging oneself.

Making change does imply, to realy get rid or at least stop the habbits and the dishonesty towards oneself and others. For makeing changes it needs to look into a new view of life, an point of no return. So, there is see my fear rising up aggain. Fearing of no return, fearing of not coming back aggain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself for chaning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drive my fear based on the thought of „not coming back aggain“. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for thinking, that „not coming back“ is a reason not to change.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to let that one point determine my decision „to not want to change“.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not do the self forgivnes required to clear that fear up. I commit and correct myself to confince myself that fearing of not wanting to change will never create the oppertunity to actually change. Therefore i realise that changing will need self forgivenes, as this point of fear, can come up every second i do not take this process seriously enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for judging myself for not taking the process of self realisation seriously enough.

I commit myself to take one step further of creating a daily basis of writing self forgivnes and/or investigation into myself and the world i live in.

For the time beeing, i suggest you taking your time and try the desteniiprocess-lite course.

getting to know – (9) resistance against writings

So in my long break i did, as i recognized that daily wriitng is still to this day not „flowing“, i decided to work more ont he basics of writing and the information wich is presented by desteni (http://desteni.org/).

So furthermore, there is an free online course where you get actualy to know the information from the desteniiprocess – but in a fairly compressed format. It’s not actually the desteniiprocess (http://desteniiprocess.com/) but the desteniiprocess lite (http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/).

So within that, i continue on this course as it is more the way i could handle the times and the managment of doing the assingments for continuation of my process.

So resistance in wiritings, write it out!

– There are a few resistances in writing myself out:
– resistance to actualy change
– resistance to drop my long accepted and inherited habbits
– resistance of getting to know my true self (what i have become)
– resistance in a form of fear, to lose myself or lose „something“ that i think is part of myself
– resistance in a form of emotional barrier that it will get so emotional, that i think, that i can’t continue that way – that it hurts (in my body)
– resistance for standing up, taking responsibility for myself and the world i’m living in
– resistance in a form of fear where i judge myself for not beeing „good enough“ in doing it, and therefore letting my mind play some righteous games about the desteni material and the „i already know“-ego perspective

But there are upsides in writing that come more and more trough my self, that clearly show myself, that wiriting is effective and is indeed changing myself. Of course, not wiriting alone will make the change, but, writing out and realising while writing makes the difference. There comes some thoughts up that are telling me, that writing actualy makes alot of sense.

So for my resistance-notes and for the process, its quite cool to see, that working and writing is getting me to emotional reactions and though patterns, that repeat, till i stop them and self forgivenes is done onto them. It’s quite a fascinating journey and realisation, that comes step by step.

I can really encourage and suggest to try  the „desteni i process lite“-version. It’s just the greatest information i came across (and i did come across alot of information about life, afterlife and whateverforms of things, that is here, that are from interest and from substance…). So it’s also important to note, that there is support for everyone that dares to qustion reality and that dares to change. Nothing comes with ease but with ease comes everything, you know 🙂
It takes a lot of time, but it is the most important study someone can come across. It’s life, it’s you. It’s just everythign here.

It also opens the eyes, why things are going wrong and why we are all responsible for it.

So. Everyone is invited to try it out.
Thanks.

I will continue in my next blog.

getting to know – (8) no running anymore

so as i again was spending a lot of time playing with the computer (could actually not work for a week), i was not pushing myself for working on myself. In the beginning it is an act of „pushing“ / „attaining“ because, I’m used to „get things coming from elsewhere“ instead of „doing it by myself“. so it is a pushing from inside out. Without pushing i would replay my habits and play and play and play…. without writing blogs for myself or someone else out there. So. stop for a moment. *breath* one, two, three, four…

It’s quite cool to finally be able to understand this world and myself. Where in what i experience myself in. The experience differs extensively by my thoughts and my choice of what i „want to attain“ or what i „want to experience“. What i want… it’s all about … me, me. ME!

This whole experience is based my lifes on, is and was based on „the importance of me“. Like “ i’m the king, you’re not worthy enough to be able to speak with me“, „kneel down to the king of me!“ The word „me“ is like „mine“ without „in“ m-in-e. What do we got?
Creating a mine out of this ego-based „me“. A mine-field!

Besides this idea of the definition of „me“, it’s indeed ego-based. Because, without water, there would not be a „me“, Without air, there would not be a „me“, Without Food there would not be a „me“. Without earth, there would not be „existance“ where i’m existing in. So, there we go – without everything but „me“, i would not be able to use the word „me“. I could never be! Its like the „Unendliche Geschichte“ from „Michael Ende“ (http://www.michaelende.de/en) – without fantasy, there would be no fantasy-world. Simpel as that. Without the origin of yourself, you can’t be – without a birth, you can’t be in existence.

Furthermore, you are dependant of everything but your ego. Your dependant on food, shelter, energy, clothing…. what else. All that is created by others and by other beings on earth. And we pay no fucking respect to them…but say.. „me is important!“.

We need to reconsider the whole existence. We need to give every being on earth the opportunity to talk and to be able to express them self unconditionally. There is no question of „why“ – its just fucking need to be made. No slavery, no massive slaughtering, no „food-machines“, no degrading, no superiority, no less/more… no judging ..

Just plain expressing of one self unconditionally. Wit respect to everything in this world. meaning even your sheets in your bedroom are made from the resources of earth and the unconditional giving from earth and all beings here.

Without this earth, what would we do? Destroying the whole universe with „me“s ? This need to stop. So, how?

More or less: by stopping yourself. Stopping Judgements, Stopping hate, stopping emotional meltdowns, stopping emotional explostions…stopping emotions and feelings. Starting to stop them by forgiving them. Starting to use common sense in a way, that has been ignored for sooooo long. Starting to correct everything, that is in self-interest, self-mebased-ego.

Starting to think about „we“ instead of „me“. Asking questions lol.

It’s quite simple:
Every day i live through i try to remind and note down, emotional reactions or behaviors. Or Judgments i see in my head. So later that day, i work on them to analyse and stop them appearing in my head or cancel their activity (tools: selfforgivnes and self-corrective statements) – let the thoughts „flow through“ but not react to them.
I’m still at the starting point of the desteni i process and i’m learning a lot new stuff about myself and the whole existence, so i keep on going.

running away – (7) run, run, run

O key, that’s what it was going on today. Some running in my head.

I was working as usual. Two things that i realised.

– The one thing was the fear of being watched, when someone passed by.
Furthermore, the fear of someone who „could“ talk to me. It was Spitefulnes i think. I „didn’t want“ to be interrupted with the work, so i focused on my eyes and squish them a lot. It’s something i don’t always realise when doing it. But after some time, i got used to it and have hard times realising the „squishing“ of my eyes and the „concentration of my eye browns“/“the knitting of my brow“. It’s not good for my eyes! I have not often liked my own eyes – i more like was in „wow, they look cool, but hey… there is something MORE to it“. I used to never be satisfied with my whole appearance – also not with my eyes (whole new story).

At one time in my life i liked them a lot. I also like the eyelashes. The eyelashes reminded me about a person with some really interesting eyelashes. It was like if, that person was using some mascara on them – but they were „natural“. Seems like i programmed my appearance to fit the one eyelashes i have seen as i was young. weird. Huh.

– So the second thing i was realising was anger that arose in me watching a person working on „repairing“ a pc / software. I was angry about seeing the person doing all that he can in a way, where i was thinking and running a mind game: „How stupid that person was“. I really judged the person because i thought, that i could make it better or thinking that he is missing a crucial point about „how to fix this“. So i build up resistance about the communication and about the way he represents himself in front of me. „I was ready to judge“ – holy shit. So, how comes, that i was „thinking“ that I’m „better and more effective than that person“? Surely i can solve problems sometimes more or less faster than some other person, but, what was the point of judging? I think it’s again fearing oneself in that situation of being „clueless“.
In my environment i often come into the points where I’m clueless about the talk – it’s interesting. More and more i’m reaching a point where i can not relate anymore to persons in my environment.  Of course working is possible to be done, but as soon „private things“ come in, i realise how „different i’m becoming“ (not different, but… somehow more aware about the „nothingness“ (is it really that?) of the information they are communication about).

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear people communicating to me, when doing work. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use that feeling of fearing to be spiteful and judgmental towards others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge people „inferior“ when they ask me for helping them. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think, that by helping others, I will one day use that act in my advantage.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for judging a person „as ignorant“ when he/she is not reacting to my greetings when i arrive somewhere.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the judgment of being called a „clueless person“. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge others „clueless persons“. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that persons either „have a clue“ or „don’t have a clue“.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for judging people „good“ or „not good“ / „cool“ or „not cool“ / „smart“ or „not smart“ only by their appearance and wearing of clothes“.

running away – (6) overthrow of feelings/emotions

In the process of learning to understand the importance of writing, i realised myself.

When ‚thinking‘ about „not wanting to write‘ it shows me, how much resistance i have build up against the change. As i thought it need and will change. Aw. That was wrong. The most important point here is to etablish a connection with myself. Sure, self forgivenes will help me do this, but i recognised that i mised the most important thing.

Before i will and can change, what should i do? How can one change the beeing he is, without understanding of what someone actually has become. Without knowing oneself?

So i will commit myself to build myself a strong and stable connection to myself. I don’t hide myself. I dont‘ hide myself behind thoughts. I commit myself to show myself everything i think/feel/experience and write them out. So whenever i got sufficent amount of time. I will sit down and write to myself. How long has this been? How long have i ever, truely get in touch with myself? Must have been some time…

So „hi there“. Nice to meet you aggain. With you, i’am. With Me, i’m you. We, are one – as one, we are. That’s interesting. Sooo long it has taken us. Soo long we have been searching for us. Wehw. Should create a song out of this conversation (no! it’s not backchat :>) „You no take candle!“

We created so many tools. So many possibilities of „not getting to know our selfs – but others“. Time to take the direct way.

In my chat today i realised, that’s it#s not about writing on a daily basis (for now), but to get to know myself and work on the assignment (structual resonance alignment). More is comming!

running away – (5) sharing communication

„Sharing is caring“

I stumbled again over an amazing blog-entry: it was about „sharing communication“:
http://michaelwilliammcdonald.blogspot.com/ from Mike McDonald. It was that feeling of amazement that struck me down, when i realised how this point i recognized in myself, in my life.

I always rejected to talk with my brother about things i learned. When a question arose from my brother and i already learned the answer, i immediately got into spitefulnes.
I really hated to talk to my brother about things i knew the answer for. Shit. Emotional reactions came up..

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create and accept emotional reactions towards my brother or anyone, when talking about stuff i „already knew“ and go into spitefulnes because of „don’t want to tell again“.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react in spitefulnes towards for „thinking“ that, „they should know this and that already!“.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge yet again people by thoughts of „they should knowing it better“.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts and emotional reactions towards the idea of „not knowing it better“.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself and have reactional and emotional reactions towards myself for thinking that “ i should knew this/that“.
I forgive myself for judging myself for thinking that „repeating or sharing again“ information is a mistake or is „slowing“ my progress down.
I forgive myself or allowing and accepting myself to think that „what i know is what should anyone automatically know“.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself and think, that learning is automatic and that learning is „automatically spreaded and understood“.
I Forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for judging myself for thinking that i „should have known this“.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that I’m sillier for not knowing this/that. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself putting myself into a state of  inferiority and putting others in  a bubble of superiority.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that when i hear some one else judging i need to create reactions in myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge others by hearing them judging other people. I stop my reactions to the judgment-game. I breath, i do self forgiveness o those thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself for not realising that judgments are but the outer-explanation of judging his/her-self.

Selfjudgment. Self inflicted Judgments. Self Dishonesty – look: What is it I’m judging? Look and be aware that it’s not something „foreign“, something „from outta space“ – it’s your fucking self.
When judgments are coming up, or the „thoughts“ of judging, i stop. I breath, i self forgive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad at myself and frustrated and irritated that I realised a fuck up within myself.

I forgive myself for not realising the coolness in realising/seeing a fuck up within me as like a fucking awesome point/tool of and as self support in living self correction of accepted and allowed fuck up.

I realise through writing I assist myself in communicating with myself as like total self exposure as like ya man this is me inside and out.

running away – day x + 4

„Keep going“, „keep going“, don’t stop.

If i don’t push myself to do workings on me and my process i certainly will never get through this whole matrix of deception inside of my head. I’s just too easy to get lost again, and again… in infinite endeavour.

So – focusing on the here, is letting go of the past. But before letting go, there are big points i need to work on:

1) Judgments

2) Stabilization of myself ()

3) Dishonesty

4) Discipline

5) Application of SF and DIP Material

So again when i was writing about how i directly judge people – i always judge myself. So gotta look more into it. What is it I’m judging? What is it I’m not giving enough patience? Why am i so often impatience?

When i was a child i can remember myself not feeling „important“ enough , feeling not of worth, feeling not „strong“ enough, feeling not „good“ enough, not smart enough. Not experienced enough, not old enough.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that i’m not worth enough. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that i’m not important enough. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for thinking that i’m not smart enough. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that i’m not experienced enough.

I forgive myself for not realising that there is no comparison needed or important. There is no one better or worser – that is separation. I breath. I correct myself. I realise that humans are equals, meaning that they are equal in their needs, equal in their source, equal in their rights for the living. We all have a lot of shit on our shoulders. We are all in the same fucking boat.

Imagesource: http://knightstar.multiply.com/journal

running away – day x + 2

As i was starting to write out my selfforgivnes statements i felt an deep resistance in that night. It felt like i suppresed something in my stomach area. And i could breath more harder. It felt like i compressed all emotions and feelings into that stomach area.

For that it’s obvious. My body is telling me i did’nt done it well and/or missed some keypoints or was not completly honest. So therefore i will investigate it more deeply.

I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling anger towards myself for thinking that i „haven’t done the self forgivness statements properly“. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self to dwell into the feeling of „suppresing“ myself for wich i ‚m not to blame.  Suppressing myself forAs of i’m starting this process and will face and experience alot of resistance. Getting aware of my body will help me understand what i have become.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to think that this will be a fast process. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that my thoughts will „just go away“ without working and investigating myself. This is a process that just started. With the materials and tools from desteni i can and will work on that. Reading other Blogs will also clear some points up.

I Recently stumbled upon the blog from Rebecka Dalmas – just to point it out: The words i was reading from there, were exactly the same experience i was having as a child and even today. No coincidence (seriously)! Gotta investigate tomorrow.

Journey to Life blog entry „Day 141 Facing the fear to look.“

Url: http://awidowsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-141-facing-fear-to-look.html

That’s an awesome amount of information over there, thanks alot Rebecka!