Every time i’m fighting aggainst the mind, trying to tell me that i will not change. Trying to trick me i can’t change. Change is „obsolete“. But.. change is inevitably. Just look around.
So i sit here, reviewing the readings from the the DesteniIProcess „Mind Con-sciousnes System Components“ wich teached me, that every thought i believe to be from my self, has already been a deep aceptened and allowed „foreign“, programmed „thought“ created by and of the mind, only giving me the oppertunity to chose from a huge set of thoughts, wich have never been me, wich have never been my self. So in the creating of my feelings and experiences i created and allowed to align myself to the believe that, all that is me, is me with thoughts and feelings. Thinking that i will not exist without thoughts and feelings… what a fuckup.
It’s always the same: I will think of something and immediatly, i feel or experience a feeling, wich keeps me in an absolute infinite cycle of pushing me to happynes or pushing me to sadnes.. a neverending story. And i‘, accepting this to continue… shit.
In the „Mind Conscious System Components“-Lesson (Part1) i understand the construct that builds up energy in myself. I didn’t realise how deep this mind consciousnes-structure is intertwined within me… i‘, afraid i can’t be without such feelings and emotions, huh. How is that?
It’s because i never got the oppertunity to realise, the existence i’m in. A energie vampire, i have been become. A zombie of a system that is fucking all of existence here… and by just thinking „Giev me more of this- it feels soo good…“ i allow this to continue…
Why haven’t i stoped this from happening? Why didn’t my parents let me know of this?
So every set of thoughts, every emotion and every feeling i „allow“ to be created within me, creates friction and polarities, to suck up and terminate my life-essence/energies till i will die. Completly consuming myself.. for what? Experiencing the fucking joy of „sucking energy?“
In memorie of my childhood i have dreamed about demons suckin my brother/sister in front of me. Those dreams where fucking real. I never forgot them. Funny enough i was also beeing chased by those deamons in my dreams and was so fucking scary about them. Thanks my to preprogramed design i never got to met one in this reality. But, does it matter?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in every thought and feeling of „inferiority“. To allwo the experience of feeling of „inferiorty“ to someone/ something else. I stand here als life, beeing equal with life, not supporting any act of degrading or pusing of inferiority.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a victim of inferiority, or of beeing degraded by someone else. I stand here equal as life, as breath to support myself to not continue and allow such act / feelings / emotions. I breath, i let go, i stand up, i correct myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the thoughts of „sadness“ and „uncertainty“ to create feelings of „beeing uncertain“, of beeing „sad“ and of beeing „confused“. I’m no more a slave to those feelings and emotions, as i stand up for myself, to not continue to participate in those thoughts. I’m here, i breath, i stop.
In the continueation of the Desteni I Process i will expose and learn my true nature of whom i am and to finally really love myself, accept myself and stand up for myself. I will let go of the machine as i understand the beeing i have been become, to change what i have become, to stop what i have become and to correct what i have been become, to once aggain embrace myself, to embrace what is here… what i have never realy looked at…
Equalmoney: When love will be real.
Learn more at equalmoney.org